I know I haven't yet blogged about London...That'll come...eventually.
Right now, I'm just...I don't know...I feel lost and confused. I feel like this year, life has thrown curve ball after curve ball after curve ball. Our plans have revolved around things going a certain way, and they NEVER go the way I expect, or hope, or want. Ever since Derek graduated, it seems like life has taken a downword spiral into crapville.
Over and over, I pray for an answer. Every time I feel like I recieve one, a door is slammed in my face.
"Grad School?" I ask.
"Absolutely." says God
"Absolutely." says admission statistics
"Nope." says the rejection letter
"Full time job?" I ask.
"Absolutely." says God
"Absolutely." says job hiring sites
"Nope." says Derek's Broken shoulder
"Will 7 Peaks pay for Derek's Shoulder?" I ask
"Absolutely." says God
"Absolutely." says 7 Peaks
"Absolutely." says our Lawyer
"Nope." says the collection agencies, and the 7-Peaks's threat to counter sue, and our Lawyer who STILL hadn't started working on the case after 3 months.
And finally, today
"Should we go back and work at Ponderosa, and then work abroad for a year or two?"
"Absolutely." says God
"Absolutely." says Ponderosa
"Absolutely." says my principal after I finally told her YESTERDAY that I most likely wouldn't be returning next year
"Nope" Says the rec manager after infoming us that because of a miscommunication, they didn't leave a spot for Derek to work as an intern, or recreation guide.
I know God has a plan for each of us. I know God has a plan for me....I just don't know why my prayers are continually answered, and then the opposite thing happens. I don't get why door after door after door has been closed on us. I don't know why nothing is working out.
I don't know God's plan for me. I don't even have a clue (because aparently everything I've been thinking isn't lining up....). I just have to hope that everything is for the best.
It feels like this year has just been one dissappointment after then next. And where are we compared to where we were last year? No where. We have made no progress. It sucks. Really, it just sucks.
This week...::sighs::....when will it be over?
2 comments:
Cami,
My heart is breaking reading this post. I am so sorry about everything. I don't know why things happen (or don't happen) the way they do.
I love you and support you guys in everything and anything. I know the Lord will open doors for you guys soon, and there is a reason for all this crap. It sucks though. Just know you are loved and Seth and I care about you guys tons. You are our only and best friends. We will go through these trials with you.
Love you Cami.
Jack
Maybe God has already opened a window that you can’t see. Sometimes we get so caught up in what we want that we don’t want to listen to the answer that he sends.
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